Lunchtime Golf: Have You Had Your Break Today?

Just so you know, Valparaiso, Indiana has a three-hole golf course. There is a three-hole golf course, right here, in Valpo. The Department of Parks and Recreation provides the city of Valparaiso with two different golf courses, and one of them has a three-hole course.

I’ve lived here in Valpo most of my life, and Creekside Golf Course & Training Center has been there for the past nine years. I have been to this particular course before, played a couple of rounds, and it's almost always brought up to me while talking Valpo sports that, yes, in fact, there is a three-hole course in town. I've just never put the pieces together before.

Suddenly, it hit me: Lunchtime Golf!

It’s simple math: 9 holes of golf takes at most two hours (120 minutes), without a cart. Three holes of golf should take 40 minutes, right? Give it 10 minutes to get out there, and ten minutes to get back, there shouldn’t be a place in Valpo that you couldn’t squeeze that in!

Of course, I had to put it to the test, first.

I arrive at Creekside at 12:12 PM. The course is about 10 minutes from the ValpoLife compound, so, let’s round down and say I left at noon flat. I grab my clubs and head for the clubhouse. After paying my $4 green fee (FOUR DOLLARS? WHAT IS THIS 1912? Do they still accept fractional pennies?), I tee up my first ball on hole 10..

Hole 10: Par 4: 324 Yards

12:16:30PM: Mulligan.
12:17:15PM: Do-over.

Finally, I hit my ball “within striking distance” of the green. Obviously, this means five yards. I can put it in for a double bogey, not including the mulligans. Don't judge me, this isn't the PGA Tour.

Hole 11: Par 3, 170 Yards

Going in to this hole, Lost Ball Count: 2. It's not like the first hole is hard, but you have to understand, I have a slice that makes Jason Voorhees jealous. My slice is so bad "Slice", the soda, is debating whether or not to change its name to eliminate any association of my badness. For instance, I usually play with a colored ball, not just because no one else seems to like to, but because I need to be able to find that neon yellow in the middle of the woods.

12:26 PM: Mulligan.

I end up in the sand off the "tee shot", but rally to bogey the hole. Something I have to admit, I look like David Ortiz when I swing in the sand. I've done it for years, and it puts a lot of backspin on the ball. On the downside, David Ortiz sucks.

Hole 3: Par 5, Par 465

Just so you know, I play the Black Tees because I am a man (!) and I play from the black tees. I just want to share Something Funny About Golf That You’d Only Understand if You’ve Played Golf: I hit my 9 iron 100x better than my 3-iron, which is 100x better than my driver. I am the anti-Happy Madison. Seriously, the further away from the hole, the more terrible I am. I can putt like a pro, but if I have to hit a 190 yard 3-iron shot, well, you'd better you'd better bet against me. Or duck. Either way.

12:42 PM: Back in the clubhouse.

Without a question, the most underrated part of golf: No matter what clubhouse, get a hot dog. They do not disappoint. I’m serious, even if you are a vegetarian, get a clubhouse hot dog. They are filling, they are cooked slow (which is good for a hot dog), they are just plain excellence, do it and you won't regret it.

Stats on the Day:
30 minutes in and out, $7 Spent, 4 Over Par, 3 Holes Played, 2 lost balls, and one extremely productive lunch hour.

Final Suggestions: Next time 11:00 rolls around and you are sitting at your desk, instead of thinking Big Mac, Double Whopper, or Arby’s, think “Valparaiso has a three hole course.”

That, and "Clubhouse Hot Dogs".