Written by Michael J. Berta, Superintendent
I have watched the evolution of kitchen tables over time with high interest. As a kid growing up in the 1950s and 1960s, our family’s kitchen table was extremely retro with shiny chrome legs and a bright yellow top. The next tables of the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s continued to evolve in style and material. Currently our kitchen table is an attractive wood piece with a glass cover to protect the top, a long way from the table of the ‘50s.
However, no matter the changes in the design of the kitchen table over time, the kitchen table remains the daily gathering place for my family for discussion, problem solving, learning, and for developing relationships.
As an elementary school student, we discussed as a family plans for the weekend at the kitchen table or simply talked about what everyone did that day. I would sit with my mom and dad at the kitchen table after supper while I explained my plan to improve my grades for the next report card. Expectations were set. Accountability was defined.
As time went on, the kitchen table discussions each day included an infinite variety of topics such as which college to attend, who to take to the prom, and what to do with grandma and grandpa now that they needed more care. Sometimes we agreed, sometimes we argued. No topic was too big or too small.
Without a doubt, I learned much about responsibility, expectations, and values at the kitchen table discussion. I learned how to listen and not just hear. Likewise, I learned how to communicate and defend a position. There was no anonymity. I couldn’t hide, nor could anyone else. I had to be responsible for what came out of my mouth, and so did everyone else. Many lifelong lessons were learned at the kitchen table.
I hope the dialogue at the kitchen table is not being replaced by a world of communicating via e-mail, texting, blogging, Twitter and the like. Such methods are effective in communicating information. However, they are absent the human elements of passion and empathy. Absent human characteristics, communication becomes sterile.
In schools, technology such as computers, white boards, and sophisticated software have all advanced the teaching-learning process. So have e-mail, texting, and cell phones.
One of the life lessons I learned early on at the kitchen table was from my uncle. He was fond of saying “everything in moderation” in reference to the importance of keeping one’s life in balance. That advice has served me well and is as applicable today as it was then.
Students today are expected to succeed academically. This success is the result of hard work and multiple other factors. However, knowledge alone is not enough to live a successful life with a fulfilling career. The development of the future work force must include a balance between knowledge and character and between academic excellence and what are referred to as “soft skills.”
Parents have a profound influence on their children’s academic and “soft skills” development. When parents talk about and model positive attitude, respect, being on time, and being honest and dependable, their children will more likely demonstrate these characteristics. Learning and living these and other values are just as important, if not more so, than academics to be successful in life.
The kitchen table is not a high tech lab. However, the kitchen table experience of discussion between children and parents can produce powerful, lifelong results.
To parents who engage their children in dialogue regularly, keep it up. You are doing the right thing. For those who are not, get started as soon as possible with topics as those above or any other subject relevant to the family.
The topic is important. The action is critical.
[This article is modified from an article I wrote in 2010. The topic is just as relevant now as it was then.]